Exploring Experience – Part 1

The well traveled traveler has made a decision to explore more. To explore experience down the road never traveled before. Going down a new road is what he’s going to do, down a road of unexplored territory. He has a feeling that this could be a dark road, but he understands that all roads have dark and light.

He knows how dark can sometimes be experienced as light and light as dark, depending on how many roads of dark and light a traveler has travelled. He has even had glimpses of dark and light merging completely and he enjoys seeing all the different shades of grey, not to mention all the colors of the rainbow.

Yet, this route is one which he may have left unexplored, subconsciously possibly, but not unintentionally. The type of navigation which would be required is not obvious and the dragons which will have to be fought along this way could very well demand special armor and quite a different skill set.

Due to having waited so long, it seems late in the day, but his overall journey feels incomplete and there are no other challenges at hand. In preparation he decides to consult various wise men and women. He learns about the process and the route and about reading the signs, signals and maps. He also accumulates information on dealing with the creatures, the situations and the people and about how to act and react.

The journey commences, but it troubles him that he had consulted others in advance. He had always believed that he could fight all battles on his own, that his inherent instincts, gained experience and attained knowledge should be enough.

This path seems so simple for many. Do they just give the impression that they know what they are doing? Did they too consult oracles and sages before they left? It is not in his nature to shy away from experience, but if it were not for the invaluable external support he had received, he may not have ventured down here at all.

The traveler fights bravely. He gets better at getting better. At times he gets knocked back, but he continues relentlessly and learning from his mistakes becomes an automatic process.

Yet, inexplicably something seems to be missing. Even though he is mastering the tasks, learning the methods, meeting the challenges and navigating the process well, there is a kind of superficiality about it all. He doesn’t recall the wise mentioning that this could happen.

Surely that radiant, brilliant pot of authenticity, which should be the core experience of this journey, like all others, should be manifesting sometime soon?

Having these doubts are unfortunate, he decides, and these decoy feelings could potentially end up being his undoing. This particular road probably just needs much more focus and diligence. This continuous looking back is starting to be quite counter-productive!

Much, much further down the road he does eventually reflect for a moment or two, not remembering exactly how long it has been since the last time. In the very, very far distance, almost out of sight, as if shimmering in a mirage on the horizon, he can just about make out his old reference points.

Thinking about the “old days” now feels quite “old-school” and no-one around here seems to value that much. Yet, his unease has grown. For over a while now, he’s been waking up with stomach cramps and has been experiencing splitting headaches by mid afternoon.

“Daydreaming again are you?” somebody says. “Look, that won’t get you anywhere”, while handing him a newly printed map and guide book: “Listen, follow these instructions and rules and carefully consider the short-cuts in there. Trust me; they will get you what you want. You need to be smart on this journey, man! We’ll sort out payment later. Good luck!”

This surprises him a bit. The majority of travelers he has come across so far, have been moving in groups. There is always a leader and he’s noticed that these groups are reluctant to let newcomers in or share information. Nevertheless, he has found one helpful co-traveler at least and one shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Newly inspired by the map and instructions, which he now follows diligently, he busies himself by imagining all the benefits of reaching the last outpost. The headaches are still coming and going, but; “Hey, things are looking up!”

Weeks and months pass. Suddenly time stops. The well-seasoned traveler loses his balance, stumbles, trips, and falls. Many people are passing him by. Most of them are giving him words of encouragement: “Almost there buddy! Don’t stop! Smile and be happy! Keep on going.”

Some time later he manages to drag himself up and move forward again, lethargically, step by step. His whole body is aching, not to mention his head, but he’s doing his best not to think about it, not to feel too much.

He now realizes that all his energy will have to be conserved for focusing on the objective, for reaching the finishing line.

The traveler reaches good momentum again, in an extreme mind over matter way. He’s still on the road, but is feeling mechanical and detached. “Remember, everything has a price”, he says to himself. “It will be worth it”.

Not too much later he comes across a person who is excitedly promoting an expensive tonic which she describes as “an effective booster and relaxant”. “What does it do exactly?” the world traveler asks. “Don’t worry; it will help clear the cobwebs and remove the tension, make the journey a bit smoother.”; she says in a soothing way.

Strangely, if he’s not mistaken, everybody around here seems to be in a type of trance state, but he can’t be sure.  At least there appears to be a kind of happiness about. People are smiling and the atmosphere is saying: “We are all in this together”.

In fact, in some places there’s even a bit of a carnival atmosphere going on. Travelers are comparing and showing off their souvenirs and flashy items they’ve been accumulating along the way. By now he has also traded some of his apparently useless pieces of vintage tools and dated armor for impressive collectables.

Time passes. The traveler has been taking tonic regularly for as long as he can remember. Miraculously it wears off one day and an excruciating pain stuns him with its sudden arrival and intensity. With the pain comes the rarity of clarity which allows him to reflect lucidly for a moment.

The destination was never clear-cut from the outset, yet virtually everyone promotes this path. Then again, on the other hand, the wise always say that it’s about the journey, not the destination, so who would argue with that?

The explorer is making good headway. He continues to take large doses of tonic which he buys by selling off his collectables and souvenirs. “A traveler should travel light, after all”, he thinks to himself. His only concern about the tonic is that it has caused him to stop dreaming completely.

Still traveling alone most of the time, he decides to make an exception one night and join a traveling group around a camp fire. He saw that they had copies of the same map and guide book as him and he’s looking forward to discussing the route with fellow travelers.

Besides, he is almost out of tonic and is hoping that they may have an extra supply which he could trade for in some way.

Having virtually no souvenirs left for the comparison ritual, he decides to take a different approach and tell them about some of his previous travel experiences. Storytelling is a much more traditional travel custom anyway. As far as he’s concerned the old travel traditions should always be respected and maintained.

Blank staring eyes and unemotional faces tell the tale in return. “Hey, show us some of your souvenirs”; says the leader. “Do you have any tonic to spare?” asks a pale group member. “No, but I have a lot of experience to share.”; says the traveler. “So what? We’ve got maps. New ones. With shortcuts!”; retorts the leader. “Yes, but what is the final destination?”; asks the traveler.

“Sorry, we don’t allow poor travelers into our group. Especially not ignorant ones.” says the group leader.

Hours pass. The traveler is still traveling, as a seasoned, well traveled, world traveler does. Yet, everything is wrong and nothing makes sense. The pain is intensifying and there is really no end in sight.

Suddenly, a thin, grey haired, familiar looking old man appears out of the fog, walks straight up to him and presses a note firmly into his palm. “Read it now”, he says. The traveler reads: “Remember, this was only an experiment! You already have the answers you were looking for.

The traveler looks around to find the old man, but he’s gone. “Was it a ghost? Was it a dream?” Through his splitting headache an idea is starting to form clearly, an idea that he had always thought he would never, ever entertain. Not him.

In resistance to it settling in his mind, he reasons to himself: “But you never give up… how can it be? You have always completed a journey. All journeys. What about the final destination?”

The traveler reads the note again. Yet, the message is as real as the paper it is written on and as real as his hand holding the paper. He turns the note over and on the back it says in bold: “Turn around now!”

The traveler makes an about-turn. “Not so fast there, friend!” says the map and guide-book merchant. “Glad I tracked you down and not a moment too soon! I’ll have those back now, thank you. You never paid. Besides, I don’t help people who think they can make it on their own, especially not those who think they can return alone.” The traveler hands them over and the merchant is gone, the echo of his voice still lingering: “You’re on your own!”

A powerful sense of déjà vu grips the well-traveled traveler, an all-encompassing sensation, which soon changes into light headed exhilaration.

“I’m going home”.

 by Jean-Jacques @ Gypsy Café. © 2012. All Rights Reserved.

This is Part 1 of 3.